mais j'sais pu ou j'suis rendue

tuesday afternoon, 1:22. i'm at school, i have a class at 3:30.
I should be doing homework, it's not like i don't have any.
There's just too much going on inside my head for me to concentrate on things like the Medieval View of the Crusades, or Salvador Dali's works in relation to Freud's ideas of psychoanalysis.
And honestly, i couldn't care less.

I'm wondering why I can't get myself to take decisions and to keep them.
I'm wondering why my phone hardly ever rings anymore, and when it does, it's usually bad news.
I'm wondering what the mixed signals mean. And if it's worth getting hurt once again.
I'm wondering why I can't find the right words, ever.
I'm wondering what's going to happen next.

I don't even think I want to know. I wish I could forget how to think.

what's going on.

''i'm so tired. tired of the drama. tired of missing him. tired of spending all my time trying not to miss him. tired of being so fucking angry. at him. at mom. at dad. and most of the universe. tired of having to deal with people. tired of not getting anything close to what i want. tired of having the wrong people want me. tired of wanting the wrong people. tired of thinking. tired of the games. But if i got rid of all that - what would I have left?''

(Naomi & Eli's No-Kiss List).

enough is enough.

a rant about being the third wheel.
many should feel concerned with this post.

The chase is over, honey.
I am so sick of always being the runner-up, the second choice.
I will not spend my life waiting after you.
You don't need me any anyways, look at all those cool friends you have. Oh and what an amazing life you live!

So that's it. I'm done. It's over.
If you want me, you know where to find me.